The Family Prayer

"And Shepherds we shall be

For thee, my Lord, for thee.

Power hath descended forth from Thy hand

Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.

So we shall flow a river forth to Thee

And teeming with souls shall it ever be.

In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

Blood and Tears

Tears stream from my eyes as I fall to my knees,
As blood pours from these cuts,
This fuckin' disease.
It eats at my mind, it eats at my soul, corrupting my heart,
Oh God, I just don't know
How long I can last in this tormented way,
The outer me always seeming okay;
But inside a child's drowning
In an ocean, of my blood and my tears,
Drowning he screams out but nobody hears.
His screams are silent to you
But he screams out for love,
Desperate for affection from He whose above.
Drowning in anger, in confusion, in fear,
He screams at the top of his lungs
But does God really hear?

God, I need to feel that You still really love me,
To know that my prayers You actually hear,
Won't you please prove to me that You're truly above me,
Oh God, just show me a sign that you're actually there.

I drown in this ocean of my blood and my tears,
Screaming out to be saved, but nobody hears.
The waves ravage my soul,
My mind they devour,
Wearing me out now, hour by hour.
The current rises over my head
My body is weak, I have no strength left,
My determination is gone, my hope is all dead,
And so I scream my heart out with one final breath:
SAVE ME!!





(This I wrote as a prayer once when I was working through some crap recently in my life. Its not too great, but yeah that's all of it and its legit so... hope you liked it. That's it.)

The Fall

I saw the opportunity, and as risky as it may have been, I seized it. I flew upwards, giving no thought to the danger of the situation. I continued up, focused on my goal, never looking back. I was determined to reach the top, no matter what it took. Everything seemed to be going my way, every move I made was perfect. I felt confident, in control, free. And then, one small obstacle appeared in my way. Consumed with my self-confidence, I pushed through the obstacle, underestimating the possible consequences. The obstacle refused to abide to my will, and instead broke free, pulling me down with it.

And so, in the height of my confidence, I fell. With the distance between me and hard, unforgiving ground decreasing rapidly, most people would think I would panic, cry out, show some form of fear. But in reality, I felt no fear. Only recognition of my mistake, and acceptance of the pending consequences. I felt at peace, even though I realized what may be about to happen could potentially alter my life in drastic ways. As I fell, flipping through the air, a thought came to mind. If not for the ground racing up to meet me, the fall would have actually been enjoyable. Falling with no restraints, nothing to hold you up or slow you down, this makes you feel freer than anything else I have ever experienced.

But then, Impact! My whole body flailed like a rag doll as my back came in contact the solid dirt beneath me. Oxygen flew out of my lungs, leaving me breathless and dazed. I sat up, attempting to breath, but my lungs would not listen to my mind's commands. I sucked in harder, gasping for breath. A minute passed, still no air would makes its way into my collapsed lungs. Meanwhile I tried to feel if anything was seriously damaged. To my surprise, I felt no pain. This completely confused me, considering the height of my fall. My body must have been in some form of shock. Finally, a breath of sweet air entered my desperate lungs. It hurt to breath, but I continued, forcing my lungs to inhale and exhale without pause. With my lungs functioning, I stood up, and felt the adrenaline begin to hit my bloodstream. I began to quiver as this amazing stimulant went to work. I've experienced this sensation before, and to try to describe a legitimate "adrenaline rush" is difficult. It makes you feel more alive than you have ever been. By now, pain began to set into my chest, back, and left hand, but it didn't bother me that badly. I have an odd appreciation for pain. I'm thankful for it. It reminds you that you are still living, that your body is still functioning as it should. I embraced the pain and endured it, thankful that this situation did not turn out worse than it had.

That night I had a dream I was falling. There seemed to be no end to it, because strangely there was no ground in this dream. My dreams defy logic. Haha. Call me cray, but I've realized now that I just won't be satisfied until I get the opportunity to skydive. Falling that far, with no limitations or insurance of survival besides a parachute on your back to deploy only when absolutely necessary , it excites me. The freedom, the adrenaline rush you feel is like nothing else. Skydiving is my dream, and my life won't be entirely complete until I get a chance to do it. It may sound ridiculous, but its the truth. What is your dream?

Opportunity

Every day we are faced with opportunities, both moral and immoral. The majority of the time we do not even pursue it, either because we have not noticed the opportunity or it does not interest us at the time. The thing with opportunities is that we often never get the chance to accept it again. It's like the last piece of cake. You see it, and you have to make the choice whether to take it or pass it bye. Often, if you do not take it, then somebody else will.

Such an opportunity, if chosen, can eventually come to define everything about you. However, this is not always a good thing. Like I mentioned earlier, there are both moral and immoral opportunities. Thus, it could potentially define you as a man of morality, responsibility, and leadership. Or it may corrupt you. It could turn you into an infamous man whose selfish ambitions and evil deeds are recorded in history for every generation to read and grow to hate.

I believe every notable person in history was given such an opportunity. Unlike us, the unremembered masses of earth, they noticed the opportunity and embraced it. For some, such as Hitler and Stalin, the opportunity was given to lead. Unfortunately, they abused their power and now they are two of the most hated figures in history. For others, such as George Washington or Mahatma Gandhi, the same opportunity to lead was given. However, instead of enslaving their people and leading through tyranny and fear, they chose to give freedom and responsibility to their subjects. They decided to lead with wisdom, with morality, with honesty.

So when an opportunity arises, think through things first. Will accepting this opportunity eventually give you a good reputation, or a bad one? Case in point, recognize the opportunity, determine its outcomes, and make your decision.

Reputation

Reputation is like glass. Someone can take a swing at it and leave it shattered in pieces, or they can walk away with broken fist. Build your reputation strong people, or one day you may have none of it left.

Distractions

Why try? We dream of the future, but our dreams never come true. We have all these expectations for our lives, but very few of them are ever accomplished. We set goals for ourselves, but how many of them do we meet? And if we are able to get what we thought we wanted out of life, we then realize this is no longer what we want. Its like no matter what we do, nothing satifies us, nothing completes us, nothing fufills us. We seek after entertainment, constantly shifting from one thing to another. Its as if we think this new thing will entertain us more than the last, but isn't that what you thought about they last thing also? Whats the point?
The sad thing is, I know what the answer to these question is. I know what will satisfy me, what will make me whole. I know what I must do to obtain this contentment, but the very things I am trying to use to fufill myself are the things that distract me from true fufillment. Its like entertainment and dreams are a drug. They fufill you for now, making you high on temporary happyness and wishful thinking. But they wear off and fade away, leaving you feeling emptier than you ever were before. I know that it is He who can fufill me, sustain me, make me whole. But I continuously refuse to let Him take control of my life. I'm constantly distracted by empty entertainment and desires, forgetting what the true answer to all my emptyness is. I must truely be insane, knowing the answer but refusing to acknowledge and embrace it. Ive struggled with this for years, never being able to win the battle against my selfish pitiful desires. Its a battle, and I see a chance of winning it, but its a very small chance. I can't do it on my own. I've tried, I've failed, and I will always fail... unless He helps me.

Chaos

We plan. We plot. We pursue our dreams, thinking we can control every little thing. We deceived ourselves with this false security, believing we can achieve equality, unity, purity. Truth is, Order is a lie. People never get along, we just fight, struggle, die. People always complain that life isn't fair, well it isn't you idiots, as long as Order's here. Order is just one man's agenda, his shallow power displayed. But Order never lasts for long, every day it fades away. Chaos is the answer, its the only thing that lasts. Its here today, it'll be there in the future, and sure as hell was there in the past. You can't control it, you can't corrupt it, you can't evade it, you can't pursuit it. Its unstoppable, unpredictable, unbiased, unexplainable. Its equal, its a random, its a freakin phenomenon. No matter what you construct or organize, I guarantee you it'll erode away before your very eyes. The earth is home to Chaos, it was here in the beginning, and will be here in the end. If you don't believe me... Well then screw you. Lol jk. But you thought I was going to end this with more rhyming and epicness didnt you? Lol, Naw. Thats too predictable. You can't predict Chaos people.